It's been a week since I consciously stopped yelling or raising my voice at my daughter whenever she does something wrong, whether she does it knowingly or unknowingly. She is very strong-willed and has the tendency to retaliate in a high pitched voice so we end up in a shouting spree. Oh, she obeys me alright, but I can see the defiance in her eyes and the resentment in her face that I forced her to do something without understanding why. After each fight, even though I know I won because she obeyed me, I always felt horrible. So after reading a few articles (see back link for one of the articles I used to guide me in this endeavor), I thought, what the heck! Trying a new way wouldn't hurt.
Instead of me telling her not to do something in a high tone, I learned to explain in a calm voice why she shouldn't do it. Instead of yelling at her to stop yelling, I learned to teach her the inside/outside voice concept. Instead of telling her to stop talking or interrupting her, I learned to let her finish what she's babbling about as I waited for my turn, and when acknowledged by her, I asked her if I could please speak, to which she would say in delight, "Sure Nanay!"
It worked wonders! We have less yelling... we have less struggling for power, we have more intelligent conversations, and she immediately picked up the concept that we don't need to yell to get our point across.
I learned that if I treat her as an individual and not just a drone who has to obey everything I say, then she will learn to treat me and every adult as individuals with respect and not just some authority she has to obey.
Parenthood. You think you've got it all together until you experience it. Then you know nothing at all.
Thank God for His patience.
Please see article 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling
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