WHAT IS BEING A MOTHER TO ME? (A Mother's day Special Issue)

WHAT IS BEING A MOTHER TO YOU?

Wow! I have never thought of that question.  I assumed I knew the answer the moment I became a mom.  But come to think of it, any female with a healthy reproductive system can produce an offspring.  But it takes a mother to raise that child. So when my friend, Paula, asked me this question, it took me two days to really think about it. 

So what is being a Mother to me? 

It is a decision. A daily decision. 

Being a Mother is deciding everyday to be the adult in the conversation between me and my child, even though I want to throw a tantrum just as much as my daughter does. 

It is deciding to speak in a calm voice even though inside, the I’m just another duck in the pond who is calm and graceful on the outside but my feet are violently paddling underneath the water to stay afloat. 

Being a mother is learning patience all over again. And again.  And again. And again. 

It is learning emotional discipline.  When my daughter is rejected by other children, or feels sorry for herself for not having what others have, it is swallowing my pride, and instead of buying everything she wants in the world, it is deciding to give her a hug instead.  Not because I can’t afford any of those things, but because I know material things will not make her feel loved and wanted.  It is her unique identity in Christ that will define her. 

Being a mother is deciding to admit I’m wrong, so my daughter can see it’s okay to admit your mistakes. And it’s okay to start all over.

Being a mother is giving up shopping, eating out, or watching my favorite shows on cable, just so we could save money for her college and set a good example on how to handle finances.

It is learning to be frugal, and generous at the same time. Frugal to things that don’t matter, and generous to things that do matter.

Being a mother to me is being the best “Christ-like” image I can be to my daughter.  

It is allowing myself to decrease and diminish, while allowing Christ in me to increase and radiate.  It is relearning kindness, and self-control. 

Being a mother to my daughter is a daily decision.  There are days when I pass with flying colors, and there are days when I fail miserably.  But one thing's for sure... without the grace of God, I cannot do it on my own.

Being a mother is making a choice everyday to trust in God’s daily sufficient grace.

Please check out my friend's blog, Mommy Said, Daddy Said.

Inside voice please, Harmony!

It's been a week since I consciously stopped yelling or raising my voice at my daughter whenever she does something wrong, whether she does it knowingly or unknowingly. She is very strong-willed and has the tendency to retaliate in a high pitched voice so we end up in a shouting spree. Oh, she obeys me alright, but I can see the defiance in her eyes and the resentment in her face that I forced her to do something without understanding why. After each fight, even though I know I won because she obeyed me, I always felt horrible.  So after reading a few articles (see back link for one of the articles I used to guide me in this endeavor), I thought, what the heck! Trying a new way wouldn't hurt. 

Instead of me telling her not to do something in a high tone, I learned to explain in a calm voice why she shouldn't do it. Instead of yelling at her to stop yelling, I learned to teach her the inside/outside voice concept.  Instead of telling her to stop talking or interrupting her, I learned to let her finish what she's babbling about as I waited for my turn, and when acknowledged by her, I asked her if I could please speak, to which she would say in delight, "Sure Nanay!"

It worked wonders! We have less yelling... we have less struggling for power, we have more intelligent conversations, and she immediately picked up the concept that we don't need to yell to get our point across.

I learned that if I treat her as an individual and not just a drone who has to obey everything I say, then she will learn to treat me and every adult as individuals with respect and not just some authority she has to obey.

Parenthood. You think you've got it all together until you experience it. Then you know nothing at all.

Thank God for His patience.

Please see article 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling