YOU DON'T NEED MAKEUP, HARMONY.

Around March last year, on our way to church, I had a seemingly innocent conversation with Harmony that I had no idea, God will use to change my point of view.  I will never forget that moment.

While my husband was driving and I was sitting on the passenger seat, I hurriedly applied my makeup finishing touches before we reached the church parking lot.  As I looked through the visor mirror, I happened to glanced in the back and saw Harmony staring intently at me as if to say something. 

Me: Yes, Harmony?

Harmony: I want lipstick too.

Me: Why do you need lipstick?

Harmony: So I will become beautiful too!

Me: Oh, but you don't need lipstick or makeup to become beautiful! You are beautiful just the way you are! What matters is beauty on the inside when you show kindness to other people, and you obey God’s Word.

Harmony: So why do you need make up? You are beautiful too without it!

Silence. Cricket, cricket, cricket.  I was speechless. I had no words to say. I could not explain to her why I feel the need to put make up on to make me look beautiful because I feel like the beauty God gave me was not enough.

I could not explain to her why I needed layers of eye shadows and thick mascara to pull other people's eyes away from eye bags because they perceive eye bags as tired-looking instead of seeing a confident, busy mother giving her all to run a 24/7 operation called "home" and raising an army called "family."

I could not explain to her why I was embarrassed about my uneven facial skin tone because other people stare at it, judging it, instead of understanding that I suffer from adult acne from time to time due to lack of sleep or stress brought about by many twist and turns in life.  I could not explain to her that I sometimes ask God why my natural skin color darkens when acne heals and scars replace them. 

I could not tell her why I need a concealer to cover the lines that show the faded years because people view it as "old, ugly and dry" instead of "wise, mature and full of experience." 

I did not have the guts to tell her to believe in her own beauty in Christ when I, myself, have a cake of products painted all over my face. 

I choked back my tears as I asked myself what kind of role model I was portraying to her. With all the makeup on my face, I could not "make up" an answer.  I frantically searched for words, my heart and mind raced for an explanation.  Because I am very much aware that at her age, whatever I say to her at that moment when she was looking to me for an answer to a simple yet profound question, will be etched in her heart forever.  Thankfully, she saw a herd of sheep and was distracted so I was saved (thank God for "squirrel" moments! lol). 

That night, as I was putting my makeup kit back in the bathroom cabinet, I asked God to help me portray to Harmony the role model she deserves—one who does not need this world's approval and who will always see herself as a confident, beautiful-in-her-own-way woman bought by the blood of Christ, freed from her past and forgiven from her sins.  And when Christ died on the Cross of Calvary for her, He accepted her entirety--including all of her age lines, her acne spots, her eye bags, and all of her imperfections.  As long as she is walking in His will, as long as she is striving to become more like Him and less like her, she is a beautiful creature God is molding and shaping to become who He intended her to be. 

It has been over a year since that conversation. I can say I have used my makeup kit only once—for my husband's work Christmas party.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not saying don't take care of how you look (or smell!).  I also have nothing against wearing makeup. This is not to judge women who put on makeup everyday. Each person has her own conviction and this is certainly not to chastise anyone.  In fact, I still have my kit because I intend to use it for special occasions.  And as a mother, I am also looking forward to that day when Harmony is old enough for me teach her how to properly apply makeup—not too much that it changes who she is, and not because she is yearning for attention, but only to enhance what she beauty she already has.

When she is old enough to understand, maybe then, I will be able to put makeup on again. But until then, you will see me running around confidently in my ‘au naturale’ state—eye bags, age lines, acne scars and all.  And I dare say, there is nothing wrong with that. =) 

Seven words, Harmony...

For a few months now, my husband and I have been struggling to ask our 6-year-old to do her routine things, things she used to love--bath time, brushing her teeth, tidying her room, putting away her toys--without her objecting.  Before you know it, the situation escallates into time outs, taking away her favorite things, etc, etc.  But recently, I noticed that everytime I say these seven magical words, even in the calmest voice, she obeys in the fastest way possible, and does it with a smile. All I have to say is...

"Harmony, it really makes me happy when you...." 

WOW! Whether it's cleaning up after herself, brushing her teeth, taking a bath or setting the table, she happily obliges.  It makes my heart flutter to know that she wants me to be happy and pleased with her enough to obey me.  It makes me so happy that I always give her a hug and a ton of kiss afterwards. And somehow, for her, that is reward enough.

Then here comes God tugging at my heart again. 

"You know, it makes Me happy when you..." 

Ah, yes. I always brag to God that I would go to the ends of the earth and proclaim his Word to show Him how much I love Him.  Yet, I fail at the smallest things like showing kindness, grace and mercy towards others. I slack off in spending quality time with Him and I claim glory over things He has faithfully provided for me. Sigh.  Thank God He cares enough to remind me of what makes Him happy. It's not the great and mighty things I do for Him but the condition of my heart and my attitude of gratitude that proves to Him how much I love Him.

Thank you for the encouragement, Harmony.

A few nights ago, I was watching a Korean drama in which the female protagonist's father passed away.  Having gone through the same pain of losing one's dad, I started to tear up and suddenly missed my dad.  Harmony happened to pass by and saw what was on my iPad screen and asked why the lady was crying and why was I sad. I explained to her what happened in the drama. Then I told her that my daddy, her grandpa whom she never met, passed away too. I showed her my family portrait hung on our wall by the stairs and pointed at my dad.

She became sad too and distressed that I don't have a dad anymore. Suddenly, she lit up and exclaimed, "But don't worry! You will see your daddy again in heaven! Remember? He is with Jesus. You don't have to be sad, Nanay. You will see him again! And I will meet him too! And you can borrow Tatay's daddy (my father-in-law)!

My heavy heart suddenly became light as my grief turned into joy. I am thankful for this reminder. I am thankful that the faith my dad has passed down to me has been instilled in his granddaughter's heart as well. And as young as Harmony is, I am grateful she can be an encouragement to others, yes, even to adults like me. =)

Are You A Leprechaun, Harmony?

Harmony: (in a worried tone before while getting ready for school) Ohh... I do hope Lucy the Leprechaun doesn't come back today. I don't like our classroom to be messy. I don't like cleaning after her!

Me: Well guess what? I have two leprechauns in this house that I always clean up after!

Harmony: You do????

Me: Yes, one grown up leprechaun and one little girl leprechaun! Their names are Tatay (Daddy in Tagalog) and Harmony!!! They ALWAYS come to my newly cleaned living room and leave AAAAAAAAAALLLLL their legos behind and AAAAAAAALLLL their toys all over the floor, and leave all the couch pillows all over the floor and leave all kinds of clutter and paper everywhere! Yep, I don't like cleaning after leprechauns either! Lucky for them, I love these two leprechauns!

Harmony: oh I will clean up my mess next time Nanay. Because I'm not a Lucy leprechaun. I'll clean up my mess...

Me: *^_^* (score! lol we'll see how long this lasts ha!)

Conversation happened March 18, 2015

Just keep playing, Harmony

On mornings like this when my husband is doing carpentry work in the backyard and I am frantically cleaning the house, I am grateful that Harmony can play by herself. One moment she is playing "fishing," next she's turned into a pirate looking for treasure. The next hour, she is reading a book to her stuffed toys, then she puts on her backpack and pretends she is taking the airplane to San Diego to visit her cousin. All morning long, she has been entertaining herself.

I am thankful to God for the willpower that He gave us for the first 4 years of her life when we set that "no electronics" policy for her. It was hard, and sometimes, we felt bad for her because she felt so deprived whenever she sees her friends play with tablets, iPads or their parent's smart phones. And for us, it was inconvenient because we always lugged around a sketch pad and crayons everywhere we went.

But now, we are reaping the rewards of that. She has a great imagination, artistic abilities and a good attention span. Though she is allowed now once in a while to touch the lap top or tablet, it is only with extreme parental supervision.

I know, laugh all you want and call us old fashioned. But we grew up with no electronics either and we turned out okay. So we're sticking to this parenting policy. smile emoticon

It's going to be alright, Harmony.

LESSONS FROM OUR GNARLY EXPERIENCE IN AMSTERDAM

"There is beauty in the gnarly, twisted forms...." -- Vincent van Gogh

Van Gogh was referring to the gnarly, hideous trees in his homeland. But as ugly as they were in the eyes of many, Van Gogh saw beauty in them worth painting, worth spending hours and days and weeks admiring, studying and painting.

This was a perfect reminder for us as we closed our second day in Amsterdam in April. You see, the day before we went to Van Gogh museum, as we arrived in Amsterdam from Belgium and were checking in our hotel, we came to realization that our passports were missing.

After some silent panicking (ha! ironic statement), the hotel kindly allowed us to check in with our California driver license. As we settled in our room, we turned our suitcases upside down and inside out. We spent an hour calling restaurants, hotel, shops and tour agencies where we've been, praying all the while for God to reveal where the passports were. None. To our dismay, the passports were nowhere in our luggage or purse or backpack or any of the places we've been. We don't know how, we don't when, we don't know where we lost them. They were just gone! Our hearts sank in horror as we imagined not being able to go back home.

After collecting our thoughts and gathering our strength, we headed back to the airport to file a police report. While at the police station, the whole time we were there for two hours, Harmony fell asleep, so peacefully, with no care in the world. She knew our passports were missing. She knew that wasn't a good thing. But she also knew that she can count on us to take care of her. So she slept ever so peacefully on her dad's lap.

I felt God's tug in my heart as I watched her sleep. He reminded me that I should trust Him too in vast confidence that He is able; that He's got this already; that I need not worry anymore. It was then that His peace that passes all understanding came gushing all over me like a waterfall and washed me of any doubts. Everything was going to be alright.

We spent a day and a half filing a police report, gathering necessary forms, documents and information, getting our passport photos and falling in line at the US Consulate in Amsterdam to obtain emergency passports. Thankfully, I adhered to my mom's advice to make photocopies of our passports and gave them to someone I can trust so they can rescue us at times like these. And it was the case! Thanks Mom and thanks to my lovely friends who went out of their way, back and forth their house and mine to help us acquire the necessary information! smile emoticon

On our second day in Amsterdam, we finally obtained our emergency passports. And what do you know? The US Consulate was located at the exact plaza where we were supposed to be that day according to our itinerary. Though our day and half were taken away from us, we weren't going down without a fight! We were determined to have fun even more!

So we spent the remainder of our afternoon at the Van Gogh museum, and walked around Amsterdam in the evening; went to see the Keukenhof Tulip Gardens the next day and took a canal trip around Amsterdam; visited Rotterdam, Delft and The Hague on Friday, and finished our trip at the amazing Rijksmuseum where more paintings and marvelous pieces of arts are on display! We still enjoyed the rest of our time there!

It was such a gnarly, hideous incident that could just have ruined our trip and no one would have blamed us. But just as Van Gogh saw beauty worth painting, God allowed us to see the beauty in our situation. Losing our passports made us even more intentional in our attitude of gratitude and made us realize our joy can't be snuffed out just like that because the source of our hope is God himself Who holds the universe in His very capable hands. It opened our eyes to see beauty in everything and in every circumstance.

Thank God He sees beauty in gnarly people like me and cared to remind me that He is in control.

And because of that, I have no reason to be in sulks and act gnarly. Instead, I have all the reason to look glorious just as He sees me and paints me to be!